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Progressive Seagull Alliance

An open letter from the Progressive Seagull Alliance

Gulls, vagabonds vindicators, lend me yer chips ears!

The Gull. To a Doonhamer, the seagull or ‘largus paininthearsus’ (in Latin) is as welcome as a fart in a phone box. Their reputation precedes them. And rightly so. Who hasn’t been tormented by the kamikaze swoop of a mother gull protecting its hard-won nest? Or been unwittingly stalked pons’t the purchase of a steak bake? These psychopaths of the sky are to Dumfries as Shania Twain is to a Slipknot concert, incompatible, and not all that welcome. Like Jackson Pollock at a warehouse rave, their excrement paints the town in an abstract canvas of anarchy, leaving a trail of empty Greggs bags and traumatised playgrounds in their wake.

So in light of all that, you might be wondering to yourself why exactly the Stove decided to dawn masks, costumes, banners and flags in celebration of these aerial dementors at this year’s Guid Nychburris. I know because I saw you, yes you, looking more than a little confused, in-between the saltire flag and Currie’s lorry, beside the swaying fella with the lime green afro wig and the trumpet. (Side note: imagine having to explain Guid Nychburris to an alien).

Meet the Progressive Seagull Alliance, a vigilante group dedicated to progressive and positive change for the town.

Yes, like Batman (yes I did just compere this to the Dark Knight himself), the Progressive Seagull Alliance (PSA) are here to tackle the negative perceptions of a town on the cusp of something quite extraordinary. Using the winged fiends as an archetype for the town, the PSA are here to challenge negativity, platform the amazing work that’s happening throughout our town and get active!

Riding on the mighty success of their winning entry to the Guid Nychburris Parade (get in!), the Progressive Seagull Alliance are now recruiting for members!

Think of it like Anonymous, only without the scary ‘V’ masks, encyclopaedic knowledge of cryptocurrency, global financial markets and hacking, the Progressive Seagull Alliance are a new wave of positivity swooping into the town.

So how do you get involved?

Stay on the lookout for the Progressive Seagull Alliance pop-ups happening through August and September! Sign up, contribute to our manifesto and get making!

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